Difficulty climaxing

Question:

I get so frustrated during sex. I have never had an orgasm no matter how hard my partner and I try. When my partner hits the G-spot it just makes me feel like I need to run to the toilet and I can't move past that feeling, and this puts me off. Can you help?

Response:

Almost all women will be able to reach an orgasm externally (via the clitoris), but not all will be able to reach one internally (via the vagina). And around 90 percent of women will learn how to orgasm on their own via masturbation and 80 percent with a partner. However, it is important to know that often the harder you try, the less you will get turned on.

In order to become orgasmic I would suggest not having intercourse while you are trying so old sexual experiences can be broken and new ones can be explored. You need to discover what sensual pleasure is for you first of all. Without this knowledge you can feel frustrated and knowing what gives you pleasure can help you to get where you want sexually.

So start with masturbation and discover what feels good on your own, because remember your body belongs to you first of all. There are a couple of steps I would suggest you try.

Firstly, learn to be comfortable with your body. Stand in front of a mirror naked and look at each body part until you feel no anxiety whatsoever. Then move on to look at your vagina with a handheld mirror, until you are completely comfortable. This might take a couple of tries. Now you are ready to start with some self-pleasuring.

Make sure you are completely relaxed and start touching your body all over with some massage oil. Once you feel good, introduce a vibrator and massage your whole body with the vibrator, then ending up at the clitoris.

When you feel aroused, try to act out an orgasm. Let your body go completely, scream at the top of your voice, rock your pelvis, and shake your legs. Over exaggerate this, so you learn how to let go completely. Now you are ready to try it for real!

I also suggest some triggers you could introduce to set off an orgasm. These are pointing your toes and tensing your muscles; rocking your body, thrusting your pelvis or vagina; holding your breath; and really trying to push it out with your diaphragm, arch your body, throw your head back; and hang your head over the side of the bed.