Sunday, July 10, 2011

Understanding the G spot

THE G Spot seems to go in and out of fashion with sex experts.

It's called G Spot after a German gynaecologist in the 1950s and is back in fashion as a talking point now.

I sometimes wonder whether it's partly because it feels more comfortable (especially for men) to talk about the G Spot rather than the clitoris, which actually is far more important for most women to find sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

The clitoris, as you probably know, is the little mound of ultra-sensitive tissue which lies just in front of a woman's vagina.

In terms of responsiveness, it's the female equivalent of the penis, but is actually far more sensitive.

It usually needs only gentle touching, and perhaps massaging with the flat of the hand, to help a woman feel aroused.

Most women find that it's stimulation of the clitoris which leads to orgasm for them.

The clitoris can be indirectly stimulated during intercourse, but more women reach orgasm through stimulation other than intercourse.

It's important to be clear about this because so many couples feel like failures because the woman finds that intercourse doesn't do the trick for her.

This is all very relevant to the G Spot because the G Spot is really the underside or root of the clitoris and its nerves, which can be stimulated from inside the vagina, though women vary far more in their response to this type of stimulation than they do in their clitoral responses.

Some women feel it's the greatest turn-on ever, some hate it, some feel it's a pleasurable variation, others find it irritating.

If you want to experiment, it's important to do it with an open mind.

There are no rights and wrongs. What matters is for both partners to feel free to experiment and give feedback on what feels good to them.

Because the G Spot can be so sensitive and its effects unpredictable, it's often a good idea for the woman to explore for herself first and then later share the knowledge with her partner.

To find the G Spot you have to understand a bit of sexual anatomy.

A woman's urethra, which carries urine, runs above the vagina and more or less parallel with it, from her bladder to the urethral opening, which lies between her vaginal opening and her clitoris.

The urethra is surrounded by spongy tissue, called the urethral sponge, which is engorged with blood and special fluids when the woman is sexually aroused.

This spongy tissue in turn links up with the roots of the clitoris which run deep inside the body - the little glans you see is just the tip of the iceberg, as it were - or should that be hot berg?

If you insert a finger or two in the vagina and feel up inside the front wall, under the pubic bone, the G Spot lies one-third to halfway up.

It generally responds to firmer, steadier pressure than the clitoris, since you have the cushioning tissues of the urethral sponge - but it's usually best to aim slightly to one side or the other, rather than press on the urethra itself, which could be uncomfortable.

Fingers are usually going to be more effective than a penis, by the way, and you're more likely to find the G Spot if the woman is already well aroused.

There is a special sex toy designed to help - the Rock-Chick - which stimulates the clitoris and the G Spot simultaneously. See for details.

There is also a new medical procedure called G Spot augmentation which involves injecting "filler" into the G Spot in order to increase responsiveness.

It is available privately in this country but it costs nearly £1,000 and it has to be repeated every four to six months.

Like all surgery there are risks, and this is a part of the body few of us want to take chances with.

Lots of women have a less sensitive G-Spot anyway and augmentation would make no difference.

To me, all that adds up to lots of reasons to work on your sexual technique, not pay a high price for someone repeatedly to stick a needle into a sensitive part of the body.

Most women are more responsive to clitoral stimulation and need clitoral stimulation if they are to climax during intercourse.

So-called vaginal orgasms are often more about making the man feel good when female orgasm should be about female satisfaction.

It's up to personal taste - the woman's personal taste. If she enjoys it, great. If she doesn't, then her partner shouldn't make her feel pressured because he wants to tick a new box in his sexual repertoire.

What often intrigues people about the G Spot is that it's said to be linked with female ejaculation - women producing fluid on climax just as men do.

It's still controversial but some women do seem to ejaculate a fluid that isn't just lubrication nor urine.

It could be that it is fluid from the glands in the urethral sponge.

Some women say this is normal for them, some experts insist it's impossible. It doesn't really matter.

What does matter is that a woman and her partner feel OK with whatever is her experience, and she enjoys her own responses.

She shouldn't feel a failure because she doesn't ejaculate, nor feel a freak because she does. If it is a regular occurrence, though, it makes sense to put down a towel or even waterproof sheet before having sex.

I hope this has helped.

My main message is not to get hung up about the G Spot but enjoy one another and talk to one another.

Don't feel any pressure to fit into a mould but find what suits the two of you.

If you would like any further personal advice, or my free leaflets on the G Spot or Orgasm for Women, do let me know.

No comments: